Empower

Yesterday was the final day of Empower, and what an amazing seven days it was.
We really heard some great testimonies at the end of the course on what the girls had all gained from their experience.
The first half of the course looked at the effects of trauma, and teaches exercises to help the body and the mind deal with trauma.
The second half of the program explores forgiveness, and letting go of heavy burdens and bitterness.

We were aware the girls where interested from the first day, considering that they all showed up early. In fact, throughout the whole course, not one girl came late or missed a day. They were all very interested and dedicated.
This is an extra special achievement in Uganda, and we were certainly appreciative for all these young women (Many single mothers) who had arranged caretakers for their children, and who made sure to arrive early each day.

Agnes and Rachel were our leaders for the course, and they really did a fantastic job! I was so impressed at their teaching abilities, counseling skills and the strength and leadership they showed.
We had spent a lot of time preparing for Empower before hand running over the whole program together, discussing and running through counseling techniques, as well as putting some systems and organized meetings in place for us leaders to debrief.
Every morning before the program started was met with prayer and recapping on what was to be taught. After everyday, debrief was held for us leaders.
It is very important to be organized for Empower, and that leaders also are supported. It can be quite a moving program, and strenuous at times for leaders, so it was my job to make sure both Agnes and Rachel where doing good, and to take care of them.

They displayed fantastic leadership though, I really see a lot of potential in both of them for this kind of trauma rehabilitation work among young girls. Of course, they both have their own experiences to draw from, with Agnes being a qualified development worker and Rachel being a qualified social worker.

The program exposes a lot of trauma in the participants, and one of the days includes private one on one story telling with the leaders. This means Agnes and Rachel both had a full day sitting with five girls each, as they told Agnes and Rachel their life stories.
This was the most intense day, as many of these girls have carried a lot of trauma with them.
Many girls where breaking down while sharing their stories. This was actually something that was expected, and well discussed preparation had already taken place among the leaders on how to deal with this kind of response. The girls all had a safety plan in how to deal with trauma attacks that might occur when sharing their stories.
Many times this included Rachel and Agnes helping the girls get back in control of their bodies through deep breathing exercises.
These young women have gone through so much and carry so much trauma. There were stories of childhood abuse, attacks and near death experiences, abuses by men, child hood neglect and abandonment and even murders within their families.
What was interesting was that these girls did not take much to open up. Empower has been used a lot in Rwanda due to the genocide that happened there, and has had some amazing results. But I have heard a lot about people really taking time to start to share their own stories.
This may be a difference in the culture, and although this is certainly not a case down to the every individual, I do find Ugandans seem more willing to open up and share their stories.

The girls were all itching to tell their stories, and they had actually told Rachel and Agnes that this was the first time they had ever got to sit with a counselor and talk about their life. So much had been caged up inside them, and now for the first time in their lives they had a chance to let it all out.
This is why it is so important to learn body and mind exercises in the empower course, before sharing your story. This helps them in being able to share their story in a way that does't reduce them to a wreck that can't speak.
At the end of the day, Agnes and Rachel were very tired and drained, and we debriefed and managed to talk about how they handled it. But they did extremely well! They were both very strong and have good management over their own emotions when hearing these stories and engaging the girls in counseling techniques.

Towards the end of the program the girls learn about forgiveness, and the weight that carrying around bitterness can have on the soul.
At the end of the program is a powerful deceleration of forgiveness, and the stories we heard of forgiveness where beautiful.
Many of the young women said they were forgiving people in their lives that they had held grudges against for years.
Some of the girls had expressed in the counseling sessions, that there were particular family members that they would never forgive.
But here they were two days later, saying that they wanted to take that first step. Many of them expressed that they didn't just want to let go of the bitterness in their hearts, but felt a desire to tell this person they were forgiven.
Not only that, but many girls were beginning to see that they were not always the victim, that they had hurt many people in their lives as well. This has compelled a few of them to ask and seek for forgiveness as well.

The joy on all the girls faces was clear when they sang their final worship songs and ate the final feast to celebrate (Actually Farouk and I kept clear during the final singing, they were going crazy with joy jumping around, that we thought best not to join, in case we got dragged into having to do some silly dances haha)

There is another powerful spiritual aspect to the course as well. Throughout the course, each day is opened with a devotion and worship.
The course is also full of little bible verses and biblical principles of loving your enemy and forgiveness from God. And towards the end of the course a full gospel presentation is given. We had one Muslim girl who was captivated by all of this! She expressed that she had never heard such joy in singing during the worship times, and that in her Islamic community this deep abiding joy in God is often not found.
She also expressed that although she was scared, she wanted to know more about this Jesus, and expressed a desire to come to Him and have her sins, pain and bitterness removed.
We rejoice at this! Though I request prayers for this girl (whose name I will keep confidential) as she has some serious challenges ahead of her, mainly being her father (and main caregiver) is a devout Muslim and wants her to marry a Muslim man, when she has expressed she wants to marry a Christian man.
Many other girls who are Christians also came forward to express that although they believed, they had never fully given their burdens over to God. They were still holding onto a lot of their anger, and that it was time for them to give themselves over fully to Christ, pain, trauma and all.

All in all it was a beautiful seven days! I really see us using Empower in the future! Now that Agnes has had the experience of running a course, she really will be a great person to work with young women. I would also love to work with young men and do the course for them. I was lucky to run some of the program during the seven days (mainly some teaching, and drawing analogy's) but due to always needing a translator, and the sensitive nature of some parts of Empower, most of it was facilitated by Agnes and Rachel.

A blessed seven days of healing! God was very much present and we rejoice in this ministry tool. We have to thank all the people who brought this to us, including Andrew and HopeBuilders for arranging our training, Dennis from Rwanda who trained us, and especially Rob Vanderzaag for his hard work in helping bringing empower over to East Africa. We also thank Ron and Anne and Jinja Christian School, for allowing Rachel to come team up with us for the seven days.

(Oh and I forget to mention Farouk, who babysat the whole seven days so his wife Beatrice, and another girl, could go through the course uninterrupted! A man babysitting is not a common thing here! So well done to him)

Quick update.

Just a quick update for those who follow the blog.
We have been a bit busy lately, with my mum spending some time here, plus organizing new programs and also maintaining existing ones.

My mum had a great time here, and left just last week. While here she got to experience spending lots of time with our tailoring girls. We got to do some house visits so she could see first hand how some of these girls live. We were really blessed to have her here! And I am sure she enjoyed her time with her son and daughter in law.

Tailoring classes are still running, and we continue to have a mix of ups and downs. Some girls have been really committed which is great, while others have had to be replaced by other girls. This is such a shame, but some of them were just not committed and we wanted to train girls who showed an effort to learn.
Other times we had to replace someone due to their home life disturbing her attendance at the course. One girl was just not being allowed to attend the tailoring class by her ex partner (who was now back on the scene) he was feeling threatened that she may make money (and therefore be empowered) and so he refused to let her go. When I questioned if we could talk to him, I was told he is a drunked and I would just make it worse for her, as she may end up getting a beating for gossiping.
These are some of the frustrations I find over here, and I am continuing to find myself challenging males here. Often the men get away without any kind of accountability, while the women are left to suffer.
Another new girl we have got in the course, had given birth to a disabled child with cerebral palsy, and the husband abandoned them stating that "we don't give birth to such children in my family line".
Another young woman I know who is in the coop, is desperate to find help to put her children through school, because her ex husband is refusing to pay the school fees unless she moves back into his home and becomes his wife again. The issue is that while they were together he took this woman's younger sister as a second wife (basically cheated on her with her younger sister) and now, unless she moves back into a polygamous relationship with him and her younger sister, he is refusing to pay the school fees. She is refusing to do that, and we don't blame her!
I often find myself getting into a bit of trouble as I openly point the finger at these types of men. Too often they get away without anyone questioning them.
Even the other day I was talking to a group of men here who I am great friends with, who I would say are great guys (all committed fathers and married) and I was sharing with them some of the issues we are facing with these young women.
Even these guys (who are some of the best) started to say that the problem was with the women, that they provoke the men and they shouldn't of chosen such a man.
So even if a woman is pressured into a practically forced marriage, and then beaten and abused, people still say it is her fault because she shouldn't of "provoked him, or chosen him".
The shocked look on these guys faces here, as I told them all off for blaming the woman, and that they should all be pointing the blame on the man, seemed to indicate the kind of cultural inequality systems you can be up against sometimes.
If you had to ask me who I thought the most persecuted and oppressed type of person in the world is today, I would have to say women and young children.

I honestly get a bit tired with it all sometimes. Without my faith to keep me grounded in joy and grace, I think I could come close to running mad sometimes.
I do have to say that I am looking forward to a holiday.

Speaking of working with young guys, I have also been running a weekly program with a group of young teenagers, teaching them about gender equality, how to be a responsible man, and what our role as men is supposed to look like. It is vitally important to educate the young guys, before they grow up with the common mentality often accepted (the amount of times I have heard these young men say that "women and below men" and even "less human" when we raise the issue, makes things become a bit more clear, in regards to what you can be up against) This kind of thinking mainly comes from the uneducated class that live in the more 'village' environment.
I do pray and hope young men will rise up to be the nurturing, caring, empowering and protective type of man that God calls for.
The good thing is, I have seen in more educated men, and especially in the young generation growing up in the church, the qualities of a Godly men.
This is especially more the case in more middle class church type communities! I know some Ugandan young men here who I really admire! and for that I am thankful.

Tomorrow we are beginning the Empower Trauma Rehabilitation program. We are all set to go, and we are excited for what the next seven days will bring.
The group consists of 10 young women, and from some of my stories above, I think you can see why they may benefit from a trauma rehabilitation program.
We really pray that we will see healing, wholeness and peace among some of these young women.

As well as running weekly devotions and bible study classes, I find time away to swim in the Nile every now and then. Although right now I am suffering from a terribly burnt back! I need to remember to put a double dose of sun screen on, this red headed body doesn't fare well with only one coat.

Lastly, we were blessed with some good news! Agnes has been accepted to visit Australia. We will be coming on the 13th of December and staying for two months. I am super excited to come back and enjoy some of the beauty of Australia (bbq's on the back porch, fish n chips, the sound of kookaburras, the ocean)
And Agnes is very excited for her first time overseas. We look forward to seeing you all over in Australia!

God bless, and keep us in your prayers as we run empower this week.

Visit from Mother and vulnerable young women.

I have been blessed to have my mother come and visit Agnes and I for two weeks.
My mum will be staying with us here in our big home, and will be visiting our projects and helping volunteer where she can!
We picked her up last Saturday from Entebee. The whole journey started with us leaving our home at 8.30 in the morning and finally arriving back home 7.00 at night.
This is because the president of Uganda was arriving at the airport (the same time my mum flew in) and had arranged a big welcoming party.
Recently the prime minister of Uganda challenged the president, and was interested in top spot. The president fired him as a result (with no clear reason why ... but I think we can speculate) after all ... this is a democracy.
There was a bit of a scandal around it, so the presidents party arranged a big welcoming celebration as he returned from the US, to try and show that the president is still loved.
The funny thing is they have to pay people to come out, with free food and free petrol.
It was chaos to say the least, lots of boda boda (motor bike) drivers going crazy, some slamming down bottles of beer while weaving in and out of traffic.
Many of these people who come to these events are referred to as 'fly's', mainly due to the fact that they go wherever the party is. One day they may be at an event to support the president, cheering with joy, and the next day protesting against him. Very much a good example of the 'mob mentality'.
Luckily we got home ok after many hours.

My mother has spent some time visiting friends here, but also spending time with some of our tailoring girls, both new and old.
She has been helping Agnes run her class, and is doing a few lessons on the value that God places on them, as well as some parenting techniques.
Many of the girls are single mothers, who grew up as orphans, and they can be ignorant about a lot of things so they all have a lot of questions to ask my Mum (although sometimes she feel out of her depth ... especially when they start asking medical questions hehe)
We will also be visiting friends, and today she is helping do some reading for special needs kids at Jinja Christian School (thanks Ron and Anne).

Here at YSU we have really been struggling with some of the new tailoring girls. Many of them are living in poor conditions, and have a range of domestic problems.
We had noticed quite a few of them were not making it to class, and so we spoke to them all about it as a group, and then one on one.
Some of the girls were just not coming because they felt inadequate (especially in business class) so they needed both a bit of a warning to not waste their opportunity (seeing as many girls are desperate to do this course, we can get a few requests a week and have to turn them away due to a full class), but they also needed a bit of encouragement, that they are capable of learning.
But a few of the other girls have really struggled and have a very hard life at home. At the moment we are looking after four young women, all poor, abandoned, of a Muslim faith, and desperate to learn.

One young woman had moved with her family far away, and so couldn't get transport to come to class. We have taken this girl into our house to live with us, provided she does some work around the house.

We really feel for this girl, as she is very shy and has no confidence. You can tell she has often been the rejected one. When she came with her bags to our house to stay, her mother had sent her along with some money to help her (food, toiletries etc). She was sent here with her uncle, who we have dealt with before (a bit of a dodgy guy who was our landlord at our previous house). On arriving at our place the uncle took the money from her and left. So the money that her mother had given to help her, was stolen off her from her own uncle. And yet she was so quiet and had nothing to say about it. Many of these girls are used and taken advantage of like this.

We tried to lift her up, and tell her she would be fine here, that Agnes is around if she needs to talk to anyone. We had arranged a few chores for her that would cover her rent, food and some small pocket money, but had not yet gone through the list with her, only to find her early the next morning cleaning the house.
She had mopped everywhere, cleaned all the rooms, swept the whole compound, and even weeded all our garden beds! This was all done without being asked.
We have a feeling she is grateful of being taken in.

Another girl has had to walk from very far away with two children, and so we have allowed her to stay here two nights a week. I think she wants to stay longer though, because she ended up staying a third night haha.
These two girls actually stayed up till about two in the morning the other night, practicing on their sewing machines. But it was nice to hear their laughter coming from down stairs (even though as soon as you walk into the room, they put their heads down and go all quiet)

We also are paying the rent for two other girls in the tailoring class who are now living together. We get them to do all our washing at YSU once a week, and we also include food for the month as a part of their payment.
One of these girls had been abandoned by the father of her two children, as he had ran off with another woman and left her all alone. We found her when she was about to be kicked out of her home (one tiny room about the size of someones kitchen back in Australia), had no money, no way to get a job, and no family in the area to help her. A lot of the time woman like this have no other opportunity but prostitution. So she was so grateful to be able to get some small work with us, so she could be sustained while she finishes the tailoring course.
The other girl who is now living with her and sharing in the work and food budget, had been kicked out of her home by her mother (who wanted her to work and make money ... which is almost impossible for a young woman here, again unless you sell yourself). She told us that as a result she was staying with a friend very far away, but her friends husband would bring his mates home, and they would try and get sexual favors from her. If she refused their advances she would be kicked out of staying at the home.
To top it off, she has a young two year old daughter to look after as well.

So many of these girls are in desperate conditions, and so many of them are used and abused by men, and even their own families.
The amount of single young mothers here who are taken advantage of is really staggering.
It can be really tough trying to work out a system to take in and care for so many girls, but it is also a privilege. We feel very touched by their stories.
We also feel its important to get them to work. This actually helps bring some dignity to them, instead of handing out free money. Most of these girls want to work for the help they receive, because it makes them feel like they are valuable and can contribute as well. And we also want to be careful about creating a welfare mentality.

But it is very important to provide short term relief for these girls, as we try to train them up with job skills for longer term sustainability.

It is interesting how God can lead you in different ways. I always thought the YSU house would be full of young men, as I have a passion for mentoring young guys. We certainly still do stuff with a lot of guys, but it seems more and more that we are becoming a safe haven for vulnerable young women. Right now our house is full of these broken, beaten, rejected and abandoned young women. And if this is where God wants to lead us right now, I am more then happy and feel privileged to be able to show Christ's light to some of the most lowly in the society here.

I still do spend a lot of time with young men. Because ultimately investing in the young men will help the young women. Martin Luther King Jr once said:

"On the one hand we are called to play the good Samaritan on life's roadside; but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life's highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it is not haphazard and superficial. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring"

We could take in more needy here then we could possibly handle, but in the end, investing in the young men, who seem to be so much of a cause of this problem, is essential. Right now in this context, the women are the beaten and robbed, and the young men are the Jericho road that needs repaving.

It really is a two way approach, but for now we are more then willing to act like Christ towards these beautiful young women, who God loves so much.

I'd like to leave you with a short poem that my church 'One Hope Community' posted on their facebook page recently. It beautifully sums up our feelings and longings 'for tomorrow'. For the deep seeded hope of redemption, for the ache of heaven, where God will "wipe every tear from their eyes" where there will be "no more death, mourning, crying or pain, for the old order of things have passed away". And this hope is our inspiration for the passion and drive that keeps us moving towards this beautiful eternal kingdom we all deeply long for.

You can copy the link below and paste it into your web browse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHVRZ5R2UDY&list=UUTouaQl9t8VEmMai1gDxTpg