Visitation!

The last week has gone by fast, mainly due to the fact of being busy and having lots to do.
Andrew left a few days ago, and it was great to have my pastor around for two weeks, spending time most days chatting and talking about life here. It was also good and refreshing to be able to have some good old fashioned deep theological talks, which I do have a tendency to crave every now and then.
Andrew took Agnes, Rachel (a young volunteer from the UK) and myself to the source of the nile to have a look around.
We managed to get Agnes on a boat which was interesting. She is scared of water (I know what your thinking, how different from myself having lived a big chunk of my life in the ocean) but we managed to convince her to get on a boat and go out to the source of where the river Nile starts its journey to Egypt (this is actually a fake source, the real source starts high up in the mountains of Rwanda, which I always like to point out to the guides there, to which they always deny that statement).

Andrew will be coming back in a few months to marry Agnes and myself, which we look forward to. It was also nice for Agnes to get to meet Andrew, and she warmed to him immediately, often telling me she was amazed a pastor could be down to earth, laid back and not someone who acts above others (bit of a problem we have over here with some pastors)

We also had Rachel come and spend some time with the tailoring girls, teaching them basic English. All of the girls responded really well to this, and it will be great to have Rachel spend some time with the girls up until April when she goes back to the UK. It will also be a good opportunity to broaden her horizons and give her a taste of new experiences. One thing I would love to see Youth Support Uganda doing, is to have volunteers visit, and to connected people from around the world.

So yesterday I had a very big, official and scary day. yesterday was the visitation day for Agnes and myself. Basically this means taking a small posse of people with myself to her village to officially meet all her family, and to basically ask her family for her hand in marriage. The day started with me nervously trying to go through everything with the friends who had gathered at my house, and having them laugh and tell me not to worry. The group of people that went with me were Robert K (Uganda HopeBuilders Director) his wife Rachel K, my good friend Anne marie from Australia, Ivan and Farouk. Robert K was to speak on my behalf, and to play the fatherly role, which he did very well. They all took good care of me, helping me out, translating, and prompting me to do the cultural protocols I was supposed to do.
When we got to the village home we were all escorted into a sitting room in the house while my heart pumped violently in my chest. After a while some older men (Agnes uncles and relatives) came in and we had some general greetings and chit chat. This went on for about an hour, and then some food was brought out, which we all ate happily. After this had finished, I had assumed we where near the end of the visit, but little did I know we had just started. We had not even done the official greetings yet, and we still had 'lunch' to come.
All of a sudden everyone in the room went quiet and then about 10 of Agnes female relatives entered the room, followed by Agnes, and they all sat on a mat in the room. Agnes was dressed in traditional Ugandan clothes, and she really stood out and looked beautiful! But then I was told I was not supposed to look at her, which I laughed at and apologized as I looked away, which caused everyone to laugh (another cultural custom I most likley should of been aware of haha)
Then we did the official greetings, and Agnes was asked to stand up and grab the hand of the man she was introducing (at the point they were not supposed to know who the man she would be marrying was, but of course its all a bit of a theatrical procedure because everyone knew it was me ... I mean I was the only white guy there, it should of been a bit obvious).
She came over and grabbed my hand and there was some awkward silence and stares as Robert k whispered to me to stand up (another thing it would of been nice to have been told about before).
Afterwards we all introduced ourselves and the women then left, as the real business of things begun. From there I was asked many questions like "Where do you come from", "Are you a citizen of Uganda", "What tribe do you come from" (In case I came from the same tribe as Agnes and we are not allowed to marry because we are related ... don't worry, we came to the conclusion we certainly are not related").
They also told me that Agnes family/tribe totem is the white monkey. Everyone had a giggle at this, as it must be a sign that Agnes and I are meant to be ... as I always have been a bit of a white monkey.
Most of these questions I actually didn't answer, but as tradition has it, Robert K answered on my behalf. Throughout the whole ceremony/visitation/procedure (what ever you would like to call it) the only question I had to answer personally was if I intended to stay with Agnes for life, or if it was just a short term 'contract' (as they put it).
Apparently people from the western world have a bad reputation of getting divorced in the eyes of Africans, and they wanted to know my opinions on the matter, which I affirmed them I had planned to make this thing for life.
After a while they discussed dates, gifts I was to bring to the introduction/ceremony, and how many people I would bring with me. Afterwards they turned to me and then said "We have now accepted you as a son, and you are now part of this family, and we give you our daughters hand in marriage" to which I replied "thank you very much" in their local language Lusoga, and to which, for some reason I am still not sure of, they all cracked up laughing.
Afterwards the local pastor from the Anglican church gave a little speech and said a prayer, and then everyone dismissed, leaving me and my posse alone in the sitting room to enjoy a huge amount of food and laugh as we were all relaxed that the official stuff was over.
We then all said goodbye, as Agnes and myself posed for photos and about a million shots were taken of us with squinting smiles. Then her uncles and brothers came to me with big smiles and open hands to have a chat and say goodbye. It was interesting to see the mood at the start when we first came, and then after everything had been complete. It was like I had come as a stranger to be weary of, and then after all the traditional protocols had been followed, I was now a family member.
The whole thing took about four hours, as things in Africa take time, including speeches and questioning and time to eat. The whole time my heart was pumping in my chest, I have to say I was so nervous at the start. But I do admit at the end of the day I felt much more relaxed and comfortable.
It can be so confusing and scary when you are entering into a culture you have only started to really scratch the surface of, I was so aware of myself and afraid of doing something culturally taboo. Even at the end when I said good bye to Agnes and I went to shake her hand, she laughed (as did all her family members watching) as she pushed my hand aside, grabbed me in her arms and said we are now allowed to hug in front of people (To which I believe grace needs to be given to me haha, I mean only 1 hour ago I had been told off for looking at her)
All in all a very interesting day, and I can safely and honestly say "I am glad it is over".
So one ceremony down, only two to go before I can finally have her as my wife!
Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers for all the scary traditional things to come!
God bless

My posse

Nervously waiting

Agnes in the purple (and stern looking uncles in the background)

Laughing as I am interrogated

Getting down to business

Our food

Now officially/culturally/traditional recognized as an engaged couple

paparazzi

Agnes and Anne Marie

The in laws home