Agnes' sisters have come to stay for the holidays. Mercy and Linda are around 17 and 15 years old (Agnes is not sure, because they were born in the village, and a lot of times this means people don't know their own birth date, even the year .. Agnes has just made up one for them)
Agnes is the main carer for her sisters, who are actually her half sisters, sharing the same mother.
The father to Mercy and Linda is not really on the scene, and gives no support. So it has been Agnes who has played the parental role over the years, helping put them through school, feed them and shelter them.
We actually thought they were coming on the 8th, but around about the 3rd of this month, Agnes got a call from the school saying her sisters where the last ones left, everyone else had left for the holidays, and they were wondering what was happening. Amusingly, Agnes had forgot to pick her own sisters up (the girls go to boarding school, and on the holidays are sent back to their homes)
Agnes sent a boda boda to pick them up, and they arrived for the first time at our house. They had never seen where we live before.
As Agnes was not around I got to show them the house. The look on their faces was priceless, as I showed them their very own bedroom with bunk beds.
When I showed them the living room, and told them they can help themselves to any food, cold water, and that we had a TV subscribed to many channels, they burst out in giggles and excitement.
All their lives they have never stayed in such a place and they come from a very poor village.
So I must say they seem to be enjoying all the meals (especially getting regular meat) ... although they cost a bit to feed. Now I know what it must of been like for my parents, trying to keep up with feeding us hungry children.
They are great value though, and although very quiet they are very helpful and do all the cleaning for us!
It has been funny for them, seeing the way Agnes and I interact and live together. One of the first mornings I cooked them breakfast (pancakes) and another time Agnes asked her sisters to get her the sugar, seeing as I was closer to the cupboard, I got the sugar for her and brought it over.
These two incidents were shocking for the sisters. They were so used to their culture in the village, in which a man would never cook for the younger women in the house, let alone go out of his way to pass the sugar for someone ... that is the wife and children's job.
So I guess they will get a learning experience of another 'culture' and a different way of doing things.
The Tailoring cooperation is running well. The girls have now set up their shop, and are in the process of creating some school uniforms for samples to take to schools. We aim to get some school tenders that will be able to provide them with work.
The girls really have shown a lot of initiative and hard work, they are certainly committed and have impressed us a number of times.
The other week some machines had broken down, so they put their money together and payed for someone to fix them, and teach them how to maintain the machines. This is something we would of helped them with, but the fact they took the initiative and payed for it from their own pocket money (which is a lot for them) shows they are really taking ownership over it.
Just like the previous girls, many of them come early or stay late. Sometimes they come hang out here on days they are not learning. I often wonder if their home life is not good and they are using this as a bit of a safe place to be.
A few of the girls were really sick with malaria the other day, and their children were also sick. Farouk went to visit one of them, and both her children were shivering and shaking on the floor of the little hut they stay in. One of them was vomiting constantly. All the mother had for medicine was salt and sugar mixed with water. Of course in cases like this, handing out money is important, the death of a child would be the result if not. Of course Farouk always takes them to the hospital and pays directly, just to make sure things are spent accordingly.
One morning we actually awoke to find one of the tailoring girls weeding our garden. She had completely tidied up the front garden and made it look very neat. When asked why she was doing it, or if someone had asked her to do it, she simply said she wanted to do it for us.
This same girl recently came to us saying she was starving at her home and had no food. We figured that since she did such a good job on one side of the garden, we would pay her to do the rest. Of course we gave her some small food to get her family by for now, but at least we could give her some paid work, so she can feel like she has earned the money and not begged for it. Many young women here want to work, it empowers them, they would much prefer work then needing to beg.
It is a simple way to be able to help her with relief to the situation she is in, while we focus on the development side of things, and long term help for her through the tailoring class.
We are planning to get an empower course running next month with our old tailoring girls. We really think they would benefit. We were looking at translating the material into Luganda, but we realized that may be less helpful then keeping it in English.
Many educated people here who can read English fluently, struggle to read their own language. This is because Luganda was never taught in written form. When people were educated, they were educated in English .. leaving a culture that may be fluent in their mother tongue, but can not read or write in it (while being able to write in English)
Another problem is that many times, most people don't speak a pure Luganda, seeing as Uganda is home to over 100 dialects. It can often all get mashed together into its own form, depending from what area of Uganda you come from. One persons Luganda may sound very different to someone else from a different part of Uganda.
The result will be keeping the English manuel. Agnes usually teaches by reading from an English text book, and then translating it on the spot into the 'common persons' language (this is actually much easier and faster for her, then trying to read from a Luganda text book)
This is the way we see us doing the Empower course.
Recently I had the privilege of traveling with Farouk to Beatrices home village for his very first time. This may sound a bit strange if you are not aware of the culture. But many people who have families together, and see themselves as married (as well as call themselves married), have actually never had a wedding, or even met the woman's family.
This is due to the culture of introductions and dowry's. Usually the man has to comes up with a bride price, and presents gifts to the woman's family.
This may of worked well long ago, when community's were strong and there was lots of support. But now its ridiculous because most people live in poverty and can not afford such an introduction and a wedding. Greed has also changed the culture where now families of the women (usually the uncles and the aunts) place absurd, unrealistic, expectations on the man to pay.
As a man is seen as shameful if he meets the family without offering any gifts, or not being able to offer money for an introduction, many people live together and even start families without ever having a wedding, or meeting the in laws.
It is actually a very oppressive part of the culture that leaves many young, poor couples frustrated that they can not do what they believe is the right thing before God, too get married before living together and starting a family. All because of the ridiculous expectations put on them.
It frustrates me so much, because many of the families are 'so called' Christians, but they seem to have no care that the standards they are putting on weddings results in many poor young frustrated couples living together and never being able to afford a wedding in their lifetime. Instead of blessing a God honoring marriage, they prefer to let greed over take them and try to drain the man of as much money as they can (and as a result, drain money from their own daughter, who relies on her husbands money to survive ... not the families)
As a result Farouk has never met Beatrice's family, or ever had a wedding (Most people feel like they are not allowed to get married in a church until they get the families blessing ... which usually means a high price is paid)
Farouk has been saving up a bit of money, as well as receiving some contributions, so he can finally have a wedding and bring some small gifts to meet Beatrice's family.
He has been so excited about this over the last year, with the birth of Meshach, he has really felt it on his heart to put an official ceremony to his marriage. As scary as it is for him, due to him not having a huge amount of money, he has taken the step and courage to go meet her family regardless.
This may not seem significant, but you have to realize the shame that is placed on a man here who cannot live up to the dowry expectations is very big. This causes many men to avoid ever seeing their in laws.
I was very proud of Farouk and encouraged him. He also asked me to come along, cause usually the man brings two or three friends with him on the first visitation.
The parents of Beatrice had also said they were not putting any expectations on Farouk, but just really wanted to see him.
Farouk was very nervous about it all (understandably) but he had decided to go ahead and do it, despite the fact that he doesn't have much money.
So with a car full of gifts (soap, sugar, salt etc) we set off for a 3 hour drive last Friday.
It was a very interesting affair, as every thing is so formal and set to a specific way, and culture of doing it. We sat in a small room by ourselves for a while, then we ate snacks. After that we met all the family as they came in and introduced themselves. This was then followed by a meal. Then it came down to business, where all the men of the family sit down with Farouk and his posse, and discuss business.
Farouk actually isn't meant to speak during all of this, but has a friend speak on his behalf.
Unfortunately it didn't go too well. It seems that Beatrice's parents are very easy going, and really just wanted to meet Farouk. But, as happens here so many times, the uncles got involved. These uncles placed some ridiculous expectations on Farouk, and were basically trying to go after as much money as they could.
I won't go into details to respect Beatrice's family, but Farouk and Beatrice were a bit upset at the outcome. We went away that day with things unresolved, a high expectation on Farouk, and a bit of confusion at what we had actually come there for.
These things really upset me, and let me just say I get so frustrated when people start quoting bible verses to back up their greed. I am sure a few of the uncles could tell I wasn't impressed by my facial expressions (especially when they tried to convince us that they don't see their daughters as property to make money). At one point, Farouk even spoke out and explained his situation. That how do they expect him to take care of their daughter and their grandchild, if he is drained of money (I say their daughter, and their grandchild, because in the culture here a niece is seen as everyone's daughter, as a grandchild is seen as everyone's grandchild)
It seems there may be a way around it. Farouk and Beatrice are going to refuse to pay what they are expecting, and instead consult privately with the parents (when the uncles are not around) to ask them for a blessing so they can go ahead and have a small wedding.
Farouk and Beatrice really don't want to spend so much money on an introduction and a wedding, but just to do something small and intimate.
Please pray for them, as they go through this hard time. The good thing is Beatrice's parents seem very understanding and simply want the best for their daughter.
We have encouraged them to go ahead with a small wedding, as it is something God has placed on their hearts and that they would really love to do.
Even though the day was a bit of a struggle, it was great that Farouk had the courage to go ahead and face the whole family, you don't realize how scary it can be for someone here. It was also good that the ice was broken, and he has now officially taken one step closer to having an official wedding.
I remember eating my breakfast and telling Agnes that the food tasted a bit funny, but I didn't think anything of it after that.
That night, after dinner, I was getting some water from the fridge, and I noticed a bunch of little squirming things on top of the fridge. We had a closer look and found about 50 little maggots crawling around.
We were a bit shocked wondering where they came from .... well we found out.
I keep the weetabix packet on top of the fridge, so we checked it and opened it up to have a good look inside, only to find a host of insects and maggots burrowed all throughout the weetabix.
It seems we had bought a very old packet from the super market that had grown maggots in it.
I basically had a belly full of maggots for breakfast.
We had just finished dinner, and as usual I had stuffed myself full ... so it was a bad time to find out I had eaten maggots, as I started to feel a bit nausea's.
From now on I will not buy anything from that specific supermarket ... all due by dates will be checked, and I might start avoiding weetabix.
Lastly, Agnes and I had a lovely dinner with Ron, Anne, Dan and Kara. It was beautiful to be able to share a big meal with them in our downstairs main room, and a great night of fellowship together!
God bless
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