Letting go of anger, Empower training and reaching out to neighbors.

It has been a very busy and eventful week! With the running around of visas, running YSU activities and going through the empower program.

Agnes and I had a very disappointing day last week when we went for my visa.
We were planning on going for a dependent visa for me, considering I am legally married to Agnes who is a Ugandan citizen. This is the visa that I was recommended to go for by people at immigration.

The immigration man at Jinja is very helpful and friendly, and he wanted to meet us in Kampala to help us at the ministry of internal affairs, to make sure things would go smoothly for us. He told us he would be in Kampala early Friday morning, and told us to meet him there.
So at six in the morning Agnes and I were off for a three hour bus ride to Kampala to try and go for my visa.
The disappointment and worry started when we got to the ministry of internal affairs at the arranged time, and called the immigration officer from Jinja, only to have him tell us that he was still in Jinja and would not be coming to Kampala that day.

He told us to try and go for the visa, and that he had called his friend to help us. So we took a deep breath and went into the office. His friend was really of no use, and basically just pointed us to immigration officers who were in charge of going through the applications.
As soon as we approached these two women, I knew it was not going to be good. It was clear they had made a judgement on us before we even opened our mouths.
We were told very harshly to come into the office and show my passport.
What followed suit was basically this one immigration officer asserting her power and making Agnes and I to feel very low.
As soon as we sat down and explained we were going for the dependent visa, she sternly looked at us and said "why?". We explained that to get a residence visa in Australia takes a long time, and as Agnes and I are legally married we wanted to live together in the same country, and were applying for the dependents visa here in Uganda.
She instantly asked why Agnes had never been to Australia. We tried to explain to her that we were in the process of applying for a tourist visa, but a residence visa takes some time.
At this, she jumped on her chance to bully us. She started telling Agnes "why should I let your husband into our country, if his country has not allowed you".
She would give no opportunity for us to talk, and just kept repeating that question. In my mind I was thinking "Because Uganda is not Australia, it is its own nation with its own immigration laws, why worry about Australia".
This was all irrelevant as well. I personally know of a Ugandan man here who is married to a Canadian woman. Even though they have been married for some time, and even have a child together, he has still up to this day been refused entry into Canada. Yet they got the dependent visa from this very woman we were speaking with, in this very office.
So she was just making up rules that were not even true, because she had decided from the start that she didn't like us.
She barely looked through our file, which we had made sure contained every legal document that was required for the dependents visa, plus more.
She flicked to our marriage certificate and then told us that it is not a valid marriage certificate, because it was not done in Australia.
I tried to explain to her that it was a civil marriage, performed here in Uganda, that is recognized under international law as a binding legal marriage.
Again she wouldn't listen to me and just kept saying its not relevant. This again was hurting because I know of a few people who have got this dependents visa, and have had the same civil marriage here in Uganda, that provides the same marriage certificate. Again she was clearly just trying to make things up because she didn't like us.
The worst part was that she started accusing me of having another wife in Australia, and was telling Agnes that I was having many women in Australia that I am hiding from her.
I also tried to explain to her that to get a legal, civil, marriage in Uganda, I had to supply a document from the Australian government saying I am not married. Of course she shut me down and would not listen to me, the law didn't matter to her, she just wanted to make up what she felt like.
The office we were in had about six other people in there, all listening to our conversation (which our immigration lady was clearly aware of, and playing into) all of the people were laughing as this woman mocked and accused us, saying hurtful things to Agnes like "we are just trying to protect you from this man, my daughter".
In the end I just picked up my passport and file and walked out, there was no point. Agnes was almost in tears, we had traveled three hours (plus three hours back home) just to be mocked and rejected for no legal reason.
We had all the legal documents required. It can be so difficult when you live in such a corrupt country, and it doesn't matter if you try and do everything by the law, if a government official decides they don't like you, you are treated like dirt"

We traveled back home to Jinja, and met up with our friendly immigration officer there. He was very apologetic that he was not able to be there to help us, as he had been called out to an emergency immigration issue early that morning. He also acknowledged there was no reason for this woman to treat us in such a way, and that our file was perfectly fine. He made it clear they are difficult people.
So now I may have to wait another year or so before I can try and go for the dependent visa again, perhaps having proof that Agnes has been to Australia may help. It is difficult because I really do not know if I can get a long term visa, even if I have everything that the law requires.
The man said he would try and help us, and see what he could do. Otherwise, he said he had no problem extending my tourist visa when ever I need it.
When I come into the country I can get a three month visa, and then I am legally able to extend it for another three months, two times.
I may just have to work around this, going in and out of the country when needed. It is a bit risky doing it this way, as it raises a lot of questions. But I have no other option, even though I am legally married to a Ugandan.

Of course the frustration and anger can get a hold of you. I found myself very angry at this woman who treated us like this. Agnes usually reacts by withdrawing and being hurt, while I tend to react with anger and a willingness to fight. Either way, we both knew we had to forgive this woman, or we would carry her around in our heart all day.
As hurtful as she was, Agnes and I prayed for her and asked that God would bless her. By holding onto her in our minds and heart, we would only be holding onto anger that would make the day worse.
Forgiving someone is much harder then it sounds. You can say you forgive them, but a while later you find yourself thinking about clever words you could of said to get them back. Again needing to forgive takes place, and it is a continuous battle.
I am so amazed at the stories of forgiveness I have heard in Rwanda, where people have forgave the very men that killed their families.
I was struggling to forgive a nasty government officer, yet some people have forgiven in an incredible way.

Forgiveness, just as general advice for the well being of a person, doesn't quite cut it for me though if there is no ultimate driving force behind it that is beyond ourselves. Of course it is true, forgiving clearly heals ones soul, but the source of the forgiveness needs to come from a deeper place for me.
This is where my faith comes in. I believe I am forgiven by God, and it gives me the power to love and let go of those who hurt me. It is a deep spring of hope, grace and love that nourishes me. Without it, I think I would carry around lots of bitterness in my heart. I believe being forgiven by God first, is the most empowering thing to be able to forgive others second.

We were also so blessed this week to attend the "Empower" trauma rehabilitation program. This was developed for people suffering with trauma, and is especially used in African countries that have suffered from war.
It has been particularly used well in Rwanda, where genocide survivors and perpetrators have found reconciliation.
Agnes, Farouk and myself all participated in the course, as well as a bunch of other close friends in the HopeBuilders community.
Dennis from Rwanda, with the help of Gash, ran through the program for all of us, and it was clear that the program is a beautiful ministry tool for helping people with traumatic experiences.
The program focuses on the mind, body and spirit and has a number of different activities involved. The program looks at stress reducing techniques, how to get control over your body, how to release and share traumatic experiences, and explores the topic of forgiveness and healing.
This is a powerful program that is seeing lives changed. Many people who have gone through the program find themselves coming to faith in Jesus.
I know many people in the course found they had things in their life that they had never dealt with, and were causing them problems up to this day.
Farouk was especially moved by it, stating that he was able to forgive many people who had hurt him, and that he felt a great weight lifted off his heart this morning.
In the removing of unforgiveness, he explained that he now feels like he has room for a whole new love for the people around him.

We are currently talking about translating the program to Luganda, as we would love to use this program for our tailoring girls who don't speak much English. The program can be appropriate for any kind of trauma, and seeing as many of our girls are single mothers, and have suffered abuse, the program would be very appropriate for them.

We have also been attending Jinja Christian School on Friday nights, where Ron and Anne are running a short course on hearing Gods voice. It has also been awesome to catch up with an old friend from Highschool. Daniel Dean and his wife Kara are currently traveling around the world, spending time volunteering at different ministries in different countries. They are both awesome people and it has been good to catch up, and for Agnes and I to get to know them more.

Lastly, Agnes and I have both really felt the conviction to try and reach out to our neighbors here. Currently the house we live in has a back quarters part to it, where a family has been living for a long time. The family are Muslim, and also very poor. We actually have a bit of a tense relationship with them. For some reason, rather through misunderstanding, or something we don't know, they really seem to dislike us.
There has been a few occasions where they have been gossiping about us and saying bad things. And every time we try and greet them, we get very cold responses.
We have asked them a few times about their children throwing rubbish all over our garden, and if this can be stopped. When we have done so, we have tried to do it in the most loving way we can. The kids usually use the rubbish as toys, and so I went to town one day and bought them a bunch of soft animal toys to play with instead,
Little occasions like this have seem to have been taken wrong, and it feels like it has built up some kind of dislike and coldness towards us.

Agnes and I really felt like we should be reaching out to this family more. Often we don't talk to them much, or even think about them really (unless we are complaining about their behavior) We are always focusing a lot on people in the community, but here we have our neighbors, who are very poor, a Muslim family, and have a strong dislike towards us.
What more of a situation would you need to be able to show grace and love to someone, and represent Jesus well. Are we not called to "love our neighbors as we love ourselves" and to go out and share the good news of the Gospel. Well here is a clear opportunity to do that, and it is right under our noise.
Sometimes we can be so busy and focused on our ministries we are working away at, that we can overlook and ignore the immediate needs of our neighbors, right there beside us.
And I am sure this can be the case in Australia as well. Those of us in the church, are we so focused on our church activities that we are forgetting to reach out to those that God has placed right near us?
So we are going to think about ways we can bless this family this month.

This is also a good reminder on what we can do to try and bring some light into this world. Often it can seem so crazy out there in the world. With the Gaza strip being bombed, Christians being exiled in Iraq or crucified in Syria, countless of refugees in the middle east, starving people in south Sudan, a changing culture towards Christians volunteering and helping in state schools in Australia, extremist Islamic groups all over Africa killing and kidnapping, as a follower of Jesus, it makes you think what your role in all of this is.
Yes, we should be concerned about the big issues, and where we can help and raise awareness and support, we must do so. But we should not forget to try and bring light and love to the situations we find ourselves in with our day to day lives. It may seem irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but the consistency of bringing hope to those around us, will be valued and will make a dent in the end.

Again I would love to thank everyone who has been supporting Agnes and I financially. Often our money is tight by the end of the month, and we can worry about what we are going to do with all the requests and needs, as well as the things we need to provide for ourselves. But your financial support has really helped us and we thank you so much.
Thank you for everyone who has kept us in their prayers. We also ask that you continue to do so, as this visa situation really has been a hard experience on us, leaving us feeling a bit dejected at times.

God bless